Parenting with out Promises
What do I mean when I say parenting with out promises? I mean I can’t promise you any of what I will say will work for you and your children I can only tell you what has worked for us. And no matter what you do or how you parent no one can tell you if it is going to work. You will find out when your children have reached adult hood, and amazingly despite all our errors and worries most children do reach adult hood and do fine.
I am not a parenting expert I am just like you learning as I go. What I want to do is share with you some things I feel have worked and some things that haven’t worked.
We all want healthy happy well adjusted children don’t we? Whoa! What a responsibility
“You are not here to be your child’s/teenager’s best friend you are here to be their parent to see them safely to adult hood. If you manage that then fantastic.”
Observing and listening to many parents over the years, I feel we seem to have got lost or confused about what our job actually is. Make no mistake this is a job a hard tiring and trying job at times. But also the most loving rewarding and exciting job most of the time.
I truly believe the job of parenting is the most important job you will ever do and I firmly believe that you the parents are the ones with the resources to do it. Many parents seem to want to be nice to their kids all the time. This is just not possible if you want to do them justice and your self justice.
Farming them out to day care, nannies ect is not going to absolve you as parents, you are still their parents and ultimately you are responsible. So I say take it on with gusto assert your rights as a parent to have healthy happy well adjusted kids. Don’t let these pseudo parents tell you what is right for your children, you make the decisions, believe in your self and your children will believe in you. Kids do not want more things, money TVS, holidays they want their parents to be there.
Kids need and crave guidelines, rules and boundaries. Oh yes in the teenage years they will push these boundaries to the limit, but want them they still do. The stronger the boundaries the better. That way when they are teenagers they will not have to do anything too radical to break those boundaries, and break them they will.
Confused. Set boundaries to be broken. Let me give you an example.
Recently we had a 16th birthday rules no sex, no drugs, no alcohol. Two boys snuck off to buy a forbidden drink; I saw them sneaking it into the esky. “What have you got there,” Nervously the boys replied “oh nothing” I knew it wasn’t alcohol as I glimpsed the cans. I checked the esky “Oh you better take them out of the pack and put them in the ice “. I walked away leaving the boys in relieved disbelieve. The kids where very tense as they knew normally I did not allow my kids energy drinks. After that every one relaxed I wasn’t so bad after all. My Son was very grateful and no one broke any important rule at that party.
What am I trying to say is follow your intuition be hard when you need to and give them all the love they deserve, part of that love is to at times make decisions they don’t like but you as the parent know is necessary. Be willing to be flexible when need be. Head to head clashes with kids just doesn’t work.
Friendship may come later, I don’t know yet but some friends tell me they have managed this. Love is always the back drop.
Over the coming weeks I am going to write articles covering different events and challenges I have faced with my kids and the methods I have used to deal with them.
Lets get started Click here for my first article Teenage Party without Loosing Control.